Mortal love – I want to die

I’m not suicidal, not by far, don’t go thinking that this post is announcing my good-bye to the world, it’s just the name of the song I keep listening to for the past few days. You see, my work-mate loves it and she lets it play the whole day while I’m at work so it’s hard not to like it after a while….I reached the ‘listen to it at home’ stage so yes…

Summer holiday (in which I work, yes) and after I finish work I go see my friends and then black out till the next day, work again, and the ritual will go on till the end of October I think.  Some holiday, I must say…I can’t go anywhere outside of town for a whole month due to a surgery, and almost everyone is gone, so two weeks of solitude and boredom will await for me starting Monday.

I am, however aware of the fact that this entry is a rant of my whining ( I tend to do that a lot these days…) but it’s better than just pouring it on some poor fella that agreed to listen to me. Writing always helps when all else fails. Or I should just stop listening to that song since it gets me down, but being the masochist that I am, I can’t, so my mood changes often.

Too many thoughts in such a short period of time can do that to a person, especially when you try to forget them and go on with whatever you’re doing that day…but I can’t and it makes me act weird…maybe it’s because I’m generally tired these days for one reason or another.  I just don’t want to think about these next two weeks….it’s really going to be weird being alone and all, but I’ll survive, even if I’m not the one that handles distance that well.

As an ending, I want to say that these words get to me every time, because I find in them a lot more than just syllables, I tend to  tear the words apart and let the meanings flow in my mind, so I basically see everything that these words have to offer, from numbness to longing.

“I want to die but in the end, I am already dead”

Memories are the consequence of the collision between past and present…

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