Ponderings of an unstable mind

Only_half_by_Azette~Why don’t you see what you’re supposed to? The thin layers of skin, muscles and bones weren’t supposed to make you go off track with your presumptions. You were supposed to see only what mattered and what made sense, although, being me…that’s usually a tricky business.

I have to admit, I was determined to write everything down, but as soon as my fingers touched the keyboard…I sort of forgot what I was supposed to do. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still feeling it, I just have no idea how to express it. Maybe I should call the nuthouse and ask for a spare room, just in case this evolves. Or maybe I should try and focus on what I feel, but you see, that’s kinda the problem, I don’t want to. Truth be told I shed enough unnecessary tears over things that didn’t matter to anyone, only to me. I reached the state in which I have no more strength for anything, not to cry, not to complain, not to do anything, not even to get mad, although some parts of my mind are raging, mostly against me, but that’s another story of my madness.

They say that people change, yet I wonder, why don’t I change with them? I want to, I need to in order to move along with things…and yet, why not? Why am I left behind? A good thing in all of this is that the ideas came back to me, one at a time, as they were supposed to, so I have time to think them over, in the milliseconds that pass when my fingers reach for the keyboard again. That’s how it’s supposed to.

Let’s set some things straight, now, near the end shall we? I don’t need your compassion, or your pity, I can do just fine without them. I never intended to tell you anything, that’s why I’m writing it down, because to me, it’ll always make sense; spoken words never have the same effect, not even accompanied by tears, even though there are none left to shed. I never thought I’d get so involved in this whole thing, maybe that’s why it hurts like hell right now. No, I’m not talking about physical pain here, the mental one’s much worse, and…as we both know, I hate pain, no matter the kind. And finally, I never want to think about this again, that’s why, with these last words, I’m closing the lid on that part of my mind, and hopefully, I’ll be able to change.~

Memories are the consequence of the collision between past and present…

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