…there are so many ways to express a feeling, too many, but none of them sound right once said out loud. I close my eyes and imagine I have you in front of me to practice making the words more meaningful but…no, it doesn’t work. Sure there are lots of strong words out there but saying them plainly doesn’t do much. It’s cliche and romantically stupid, but you mean so much more than words could express.
But you know…saying them plainly doesn’t work….I always say them with as much emotion as I feel when I’m with you and those words reflect the truth.
I close my eyes again and imagine you holding me close. I really like your smell, I told you once too many times, but one more time can’t hurt right? I put my hands around you and reunite them at your back, catching you in my grip. If it’d be up to me, I’d never let you go. Just sitting there close to you, hearing you breathe gives me the calm that I need and makes me realize just how lucky I am to have you. It’s the same as when you smile at me or just look at me in your special way. My heart always skips a beat or more when you do that. I feel like a high school girl in love and don’t really know what to say, just smile back and caress you.
That night, at the subway, I really didn’t want to let you go home. I wanted just to hold you a bit more because it felt so right. And then there’s the kiss. I can’t ever forget that first one, smoke all over the place, two beer bottles on the table and we were leaning in, close to each other. Shy at first but then I wanted more and I realized that I wanted to be with you, no matter what. It’s said that nothing is like the first kiss but I disapprove because with you, it just gets better and better.
On the second of January, after you called and told me that you’re coming to see me, I actually jumped with excitement. I missed you, I missed you hugging me and all I could think about was just jumping in your arms once I saw you. I didn’t feel guilty for what I did the next day and I never regretted it. I called you after and we met and it was then that I told myself that I really made a good decision.
Then came February 27. You did something that no one ever did for me and I don’t think that I ever told you how much I appreciate it and enjoyed it, but trust me, I really did, and do. I never said much about appreciating what you did for me but that doesn’t mean that I don’t. Like when you bought me that trinket worn in honor of March 1, even though you don’t think of it as something special and worth celebrating, but you knew I did and you bought one for me. Or the bouquet you bought me on the 8th of March, or the little “You make me feel good” globe and the grumpy squirrel. Everything I got from you. I remember them all, I keep them in a special place in my heart, because they’re from you.
You know…you’re a really special guy that comes in limited edition and I think I got the best one there is.
I can’t think of another way to end this than: